Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Swimming Dilemma

My Aunt Faith has just recently discovered the world of IM. Today we were discussing a great dilemma she is having.

Faith Anderson: yeah yeah yeah blah blah blah want to go swimming noone in this house wants to go:(
Rebecca Ryan: If i could drive, i would come over, so therefore i would be in that house, and I would want to go
Faith Anderson: why not just walk i heard that is your familys new mode of transportation
Rebecca Ryan: umm...no
Rebecca Ryan: bit far to walk
Faith Anderson: not really not if you really really loved me and wanted to spend time with me
Rebecca Ryan: or if i was even moderately in shape
Rebecca Ryan: hahaha...like that would happen
Faith Anderson: you never know what you could accomplish if you would but only try try try dear one
Rebecca Ryan: i also have vbs in an hour
Rebecca Ryan: sorry
Faith Anderson: well who is more important your poor poor aunt who only wants someone to go aswimming with her or your vbs
Rebecca Ryan: just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming
Rebecca Ryan: what do we do, we swim
Rebecca Ryan: i looooooove toooo swiiiiiiim
Faith Anderson: i can't i'd be all by myself and that is just no fun
Rebecca Ryan: obviously dory disagrees
Rebecca Ryan: you could take sassy? (Her miniature pinscher)
Faith Anderson: well dory is not here now is she i didn't think so and sassy only likes to get wet and then get out
Rebecca Ryan: midnight? (her pug, which she hates)
Rebecca Ryan: if you watched finding nemo, she would be..
Rebecca Ryan: indy?(her collie)
Rebecca Ryan: harley?(my cousin's cat, whom she hates)
Rebecca Ryan: now that would be funny...
Rebecca Ryan: oh, i know! you could take jesse and carrot!(the hamsters)
Rebecca Ryan: and hoppy and rabby!(The rabbits)
Rebecca Ryan: there's a pool party
Faith Anderson: no she would only be in the movie not here where i needed here to be. indy hates water with a passion and that would be one way to get rid of harly because she would be halfway around the world by the time her front feet hit the water
Rebecca Ryan: rofl

Monday, June 11, 2007

Oh dear lord....

Remember that pickles post I did? Apparently it was a special on Maury about bizarre problems and phobias. Look at this one. It was a little cruel, but funny. I will have to post more of these later in the week. It's hilarious.


Saturday, June 09, 2007

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

5 day weekend?

Great possibility. The white death is upon us. I'm checking about once per hour here.

Meanwhile, this amuses me. I love Smeegle and his evil ugliness.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Mid-Winter Report

This weekend was the glorious Mid-Winter Youth Retreat. A complete and total blast, I must say. My favorite preacher, Rev. Mark Johnston, was the speaker, and the music was coordinated by IBC Praise. On Friday night, service began at 8 PM, but Bro.Johnston didn't get into the pulpit until about 10. He preached about "Jacob's Passion", taking his scripture from the story of the birth of Jacob and Esau. (I say this because I don't remember the exact text)

Before their birth, Rebekah could sense that something was wrong with the baby she was carrying. The way Bro. Johnston put it, he said that things became so bad that Rebekah probably wished that Isaac's prayer that her womb would be opened (she was barren for 19 years) had never been prayed. She went to the Lord and asked her why this was happening to her. God answered-(Genesis 25:23)

The LORD said to her,

"Two nations are in your womb,

and two peoples from within you will be separated;

one people will be stronger than the other,

and the older will serve the younger."


When Esau and Jacob were born, Esau came out first, very red and hairy. Isaac and Rebekah named him Esau because of what he looked like. When Jacob came out, he was clutching onto his brothers heel. This showed some form of struggle. Jacob saw an opportunity to take advantage of the chance to get out first. This is because he had a purpose. He didn't know what it was, he might not have even been very aware of it yet, but he had a purpose and he was eager to get to it quickly. Bro.Johnston continued to go through the different trials that Jacob faced, showing his passion to see God, until he finally wrestled with God. The big difference between the two brothers was that Jacob was named for his passion, he sought to see God, he was not appeased by the status quo, and strove to do more than was needed, while Esau was named for his appearance, sought to maintain for the moment, was happy to remain in his comfort zone, and was happy to just squeak by. There are plenty of Christians out in the world today who are Esaus. They look the part. They are so focused on the outward appearance that they have lost their burden for the lost and all they will ever be known for is being "the girl with the long hair and skirt", their appearance, and never reach their full potential. Then there are the Jacobs. They strive to make a difference. They have a passion, a calling. They will do something great for God. And the thing about them is that they are the person that you would least expect to be used greatly. They are the ones who don't have the money to dress right, or don't look the part. They are the outcasts, the ones everyone makes fun of. They don't care. All they know is that they have a passion and will do whatever it takes to achieve it. The alter call was amazing. People deep in prayer, crying and worshipping. There was such a great presence of the Lord in that place.

After service was over, we headed off to the Chiller for food, fellowship, and ice-skating. I love this part of the retreat because it is the one time between camp and camp that we get to see all of our friends. The guy I have like for ever (hence known as 9-year-guy or 9YG) was there and much to my dismay, had decided to attempt to grow a goatee. Ew. It looked like he had seriously missed a spot shaving. I felt like going up to him and saying "9YG, you know, you look like a weed-hacker decided to attempt to eat your face." But I refrained. And his dad made him shave it off before this mornings service. I knew I liked him.

We got back from the Chiller at about 3 AM. We went to bed at 4:30 AM. I got up at 7:45. Not good times. I took a shower, and made myself look beautiful (I actually think I looked semi-cute, too IMNSHO) Bro. Johnston preached again on a similar topic. The title was "Where is the next Shamgar?"

Judges 3:31
And after him was Shamgar the son of Anath, which slew of the Philistines six hundred men with an ox goad: and he also delivered Israel.

Shamgar had been told from the time of his birth that his people were worth next to nothing. The Philistines had encaptured his people and disarmed them. They took their swords and spears but allowed them to keep their ox goads. For those of you (like me) who don't know what an ox goad is, it is a stick with a pointed end, for prodding oxen, and an end shaped into a shovel, for planting. The Philistines only allowed these people to keep the things that allowed them to make their living, to maintain the status quo. They were able to go down to the Philistines camp and sharpen their goads once per year. The Philistines probably thought when they saw Shamgar coming to get the goad sharpened, "Look at that worthless little lazy Israelite. What could he possibly do." And Shamgar took the little that he had, the only weapon allowed to him, and wiped out the Philistines. The signifigance of this, Bro.Johnston said, was that God took something seemingly meaningless, meant to serve a minor purpose in maintaining the norm, and used it to do a mighty work. Because of this, nobody has the excuse to say that they don't have what they need to do something great. God can take the most insignifigant detail, use it, and make it great. It was yet another amazing service.

In short, I highly recommend buying the DVD's or CD's or tapes of the retreat. They are so encouraging and uplifting, and definately worthwhile.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Thursday 13 #9

13 Best Movie Lines Ever
  1. "You're feverish! You wait right here. I'll go get the baby thermometer and the petroleum jelly!" (TJ's Mom,Recess:School's Out)
  2. "It's a liger. Kind of like a lion and tiger mixed. Bred for it's skills in magic." (Napoleon Dynamite)
  3. "Josey Grossy!" (Cafeteria, Never Been Kissed)
  4. "She turned me into a newt....I got better!" (Random Peasant, Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
  5. "Maybe I misread her letter-Dear Muffin, I hate you. Love, Pumpkin."(Rogers, Swan Princess III)
  6. "That's amazing!" "Yes, I will forever be known as the man who unlocked a door!" (Servents and DaVinci, Ever After)
  7. "I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate. " (Dark Helmet, Spaceballs)
  8. "Sign me up for the next war!" (Grandma, Mulan)
  9. "For you, baby, I could be.." (Puss in Boots, Shrek 2)
  10. Cleric:And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...
    Brother Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother...
    Cleric: And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it. (Monty Pyton and The Holy Grail)
  11. "Prepare for a little stinging!" (Exterminator, Over The Hedge)
  12. "My Precious!" (Smeegle, The Lord Of The Rings)
  13. "Oh, right. The poison. The poison for Kuzco, the poison chosen especially to kill Kuzco, Kuzco's poison. That poison? " (Kronk, The Emperors New Groove)

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Hahaha...

2 minutes into the State of the Union and already a Bushism..


"We ended the year 2007..."

Sunday, January 14, 2007

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Well, maybe not quite that funny. But I am easily amused. Shannon at Rocks in My Dryer at this on her blog, and I found it quite funny.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Confidence Issues?



During school, Michael was learning about Saudi Arabia and this was how he dressed up for it. I walked out of my room and after laughing said. "Bubby! You look great!"

He sighed at me, rolled his eyes , and said "I look dumb."

"No you don't. You look great. You're stylin'."

"I look dumb."

Gabri overheard this argument and scolded me.

"Beccckky. Bubby looks DUMB!"

Friday, January 05, 2007

Thursday, January 04, 2007

So true...

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.

"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.

It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.

Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.

A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

Monday, January 01, 2007

A Bit Harsh?

Yesterday, before Sunday School, the Blossoms talked me into playing house with them. Michael was the daddy, Gabri was the mommy, and guess who had to be the baby? So anyway, I'm sitting there and Michael is "off to work as a cooker at a rest'ront" and Gabri is carrying around Elmo and Big Bird, who are apparently my baby brother and sister. She sat Big Bird down on a chair and came over to me and said, "Becky, your baby brother (Big Bird) hit your baby sister (Elmo) and now she's crying."

"Well, tell him to say sorry."

"Ok, then I will ground him for a year and then should I send him to bed?"

Sunday, December 31, 2006

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Gerald Ford

I logged onto my computer today to work on these stupid labels again today and saw the sad news that Gerald Ford had died today at 93. Now, the next statement is going to make you think "You heartless jerk. You have a black hole where your heart should be..." , but don't judge me to harshly for this. I started laughing. The death of a former president usually would not be something to laugh at, and trust me, I realize how sad this is, but, well when I saw that I couldn't stop thinking about the following sketch-




Do you see what I mean?

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Funny

Once there was a man moving to Florida from Illinois. His wife would meet him there the next day. He sent her an e-mail but speeled the address wrong and ended up going to an old lady whos husband recently had passed away. The lady read the message and after fell on the floor dead. The message read:
Dearest Wife,
I just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Homestar Runner

I love Homestar Runner!!! Morph This is one of my favorite websites!!
www.homestarrunner.com
It is absolutely hilarious!! If you are going to check this website out, you have to check out the Strong Bad e-mails. Strong Bad is this really obnoxious character with 2 brothers ( Strong Mad- a wrestler type character who mostly just yells Yelling and Strong Sad- an elephant-like character who suffers from severe melancholia Depressed ) So the point of SB e-mails is fans of the website send e-mails to a given address (I've done this once) and if by pure dumb luck you get picked, Strong Bad will obnoxiously answer your e-mail in a weekly episode of SB e-mail, which are mostly very funny. Another very good part of Homestar Runner is Teen Girl Squad. They don't make new episodes anymore but you can still watch the old ones in the toons section. They are very funny if you like slapstick comedy drawn in pencil. And last but not least, in the characters page, The Poopsmith. Watch his character video in the characters section. What can I tell you about the poopsmith before you go to the website? Well, I guess I would have to say


"The poopsmith is a good guy. He just has a crappy job."