Tuesday, March 06, 2007

And another plug for my nerdiness...

Guess who got first dibs on Book 4 of Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants?

That's right.

It's a good thing to be on a last name basis with the librarians.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Dear Me (1994)

Dear Binky,

So, you don't really know me yet, but I am you in 13 years. Yeah. I know. Mind boggling isn't it. Take a few deep breaths and allow your three-year-old brain absorb what you have just heard. If you must, ask Mr.Bear for help. I seem to remember him being very smart in matters such as this. And everything, for that matter.

So, I'm writing this to you, so that, just in case, you may be able to absorb what is to happen to you in the years ahead. Your buddy, Liz, (yes, you two are still friends thirteen years later) gave me this idea. I really wish I had gotten this letter.

Let's start with the good stuff. This summer you get to go to Florida with your Aunt Julie and Grandma Ryan. Fun stuff, huh? Just a warning- Grandma doesn't want you to go into the deeper water, even if Aunt Julie says it's ok. And if you jump on one foot in the water, it will be hard to stop and you will get water in your nose. Not fun. Most of all, on this trip, make the most of it. Enjoy time with your grandma. You only have seven more years with her. And you won't get to meet Cinderella on this trip, but that's ok. Go and meet Mary Poppins. She's a pretty cool lady. I wish I had taken that chance.

In two years, you will start kindergarden. It will be fun. Ignore stupid Alex, Mason, and Travis when they call you Dumpsterhontas. Sure, Mason and Travis will still be jerks throughout the years, but in 2nd grade, Alex moves to another state and you'll be fine.

Plus, when Mischevious dies that year, don't worry. I know it sounds horrible, but you will hate cats in about 10 years. You'll be sad for a while, but once you move away from the apartments to Park Street, Mommy and Daddy will get you a new cat.

Also, next year, Grandma is going to get cancer, something that will make her very sick and will make her hair fall out. Don't worry though. She's going to be fine.

Oh, and you get a new cousin in a few years too. Aunt Faith and Uncle John are going to have a little boy named Andrew when you are 6 1/2. Then they will move back here from Indiana and you'll still spend a week every summer with them.

When you are ten, you will return to Florida with your Grandpa and Grandma Ryan. You and Grandma are going to take walks on the beach and she is going to give you some of the greatest wisdom you will ever recieve. Listen to her. Remember it. Never let go of it.

Skipping right along to fourth grade, because you need a lot of warning for these years, kid. Your world is going to be turned upside down. Your Aunt Julie is going to leave for Tupelo, Mississippi, and then within about seven months you're going to get hit hard. You will get a little brother, your great-grandpa will die, your Uncle Mike and Aunt Destiny will divorce, and then your Grandma will die. It's going to be tough, sweetie, and you will have a lot of problems because of it. You will become very depressed and self-concious, and for a short period about four years down the road, you will be suicidal after your other great-grandpa dies. You won't try anything, but you will seriously consider it. A year after this, you will become really close to your cousin, Mistie, and she will make you snap out of it. She's awesome. You're going to be friends for a long time.

In a few years you are going to meet MX. That's not his real name, but when you see him, you'll know who he is. Your dad will go to his church to preach and you will kick his butt at the memory game. A few years after this, he's going to become your first boyfriend. Don't fall for him. He's a jerk. Stay away from him.

After your Grandma dies, a new person is going to enter your life. Sis. Jewel is one of your grandma's best friends, and after Grandma dies, Sis.Jewel is going to take over her role. You're going to love her. She's one of the most amazing ladies to ever enter your life.

You're going to enter your rebellious teen years and by fifteen, you are going to slip a little in your walk with God. You won't backslide, but you will be a little off in your ways. In August of 2006, you will take a missions trip to DC with the Youth Group in Canton and get your life back in line. You will also discover your calling when you see the poor guy sleeping on a bench in Woodley Park and when the begger comes up to you in a Chipotle in Chinatown asking you to buy him a Big Mac at the next door McDonald's because he hasn't eaten in days.

The reason you will get the chance to go to DC is because of Minerva. Your family is going to take the church there in that town and you will become a Sunday School teacher for the 8-13 year old class. Those kids will drive you insane, but when those kids leave, it's going to rip you to shreds inside. You'll get through it, though. It will be hard but you will.

Right now, in 2007, your family is going through some stuff. I can't say exactly what, but it's going to give you mixed emotions. You're going to rejoice that you get to graduate with your friends, but be a little sad because you will miss the experience of teaching a Sunday School class and watching those kids grow up in church. Don't forget the experience. I'm sure it will make your entire family stronger in the long run.

In seventh grade, don't slack off. If you try harder, you'll get to take some high school classes in eighth grade and believe me, it will make things a LOT easier.

Most of all, be yourself. Be less shy. More adventuresome. You have a great life ahead of you. And you finally get that dog you've always wanted, when you are eight. Live life to the fullest. And don't let the speed bumps slow your life down.

Most of all, no matter how hard things get, and when you feel like nobody loves you (and believe me, you will have those times), remember that 3-year-old you rocks.

I miss you, kiddo. Love you tons.

-Rebecca Angelene Ryan

As promised...

Let the ranting begin.

At left, you can see a picture of Borat (AKA Sascha Baron Cohen, whom many of you know as King Julian from Madagascar), a supposed Kazakhstan, filming a documentary about America for his country.

From what I have heard, the movie pokes fun at every group. Which is one of the many arguments I heard during my encounter with those who like the movie. That I shouldn't take it so personally because the movie makes fun of everyone. Perhaps I should begin at the beginning.

About four months ago, I saw an article on EC discussing this Borat character and as I read the comments in the article, I saw many Pentecostals condemning him to hell for sacrilege. They said that he had insulted Pentecostals by exploiting our way of worship and that they found it highly offensive. About two months ago, I saw another article (this is an ongoing debate) with the video clip attached. I watched it to see what all the fuss was about.

My jaw dropped open. I could not believe the things that this man was doing. I will not put the clip up, but here's the best I can describe it. Borat wakes up on a doorstep in front of a church, walks in, and is welcomed by a man in the church. Throughout this 5 or so minute clip, it shows Pentecostals dancing, leaping, shouting, and all those other things that we "crazy" Pentecostals do to worship God. The man next to Borat is speaking in tongues and praising God, and Borat is trying to imitate the man. The clip shows bits and pieces of the sermon, but the thing that made me want to go and hurt this guy was the altar call scene. Borat was led to the altar by this man, and prayed for. The minister gave him the microphone after a moment, and Borat explained that he was in this country to do a documentary for his country. He asked if God loves everyone and if he could help him with all of his problems. The minister assured him that he could and then they began to once again pray for Borat. Borat then begins to fake speaking in tongues.

Before I spout off my amateur rantings about the shock I was in over this scene, allow me to quote Malcolm Gladwell, reporter for the New Yorker-

"I thought the scene in Borat, similarly, where Sascha-Cohen attends a Pentecostal service, goes up for the altar call, and then mocks the religious esctasy of the other worshippers, was as deeply offensive as any movie scene I have witnessed in some time. Since when is it okay to invade someone's house of worship, and make fun of their most sacred religious rituals? But that is what comedy consists of right now..."

My beef is two-fold-branching. This means that I will begin with two issues, and several more branch out.


Not so much with the movie, but on EC we have all of these Pentecostals saying things like "I went to go see this movie and that one scene was so offensive, I walked out" Ex-squeeze me? Let's take a look at the rating label for Borat:

R for pervasive strong crude and sexual content including graphic nudity, and language.

Uh-huh. And you walked out because it was insulting? Am I missing something here? As a Pentecostal, why were you even there to begin with?



The subject of the movie in general. Man oh man, where to begin?

I think that Mr.Gladwell's article mirrors my feelings exactly. I think that Cohen needs to learn where the line is and stay far away from it, rather than marching over it like the Third Reich.

Not only did this guy insult the beliefs of my organization, he did it dishonestly. Which... sounds really wierd, but go with me here.

The guy approached the church (which was the Mississippi Campmeeting, FYI) and told them that he was filming a documentary. He did not tell them who he was or what he was planning to do with the footage he collected that evening.He exploited those poor people without their knowledge.

And people eat it up.

Which brings me to my own story.

I was sitting in fifth period Spanish III, where we talk about everything but Spanish, a guy we will call Niles (I'm in a Frasier kind of mood at the moment. David Hyde Pierce is actually playing on the iPod at the moment.) was talking about Borat-

"And did you see the crazy scene with those church people? That was insane huh?"

[classmates nod and hoot in agreement]

"Those people were insane, huh? Oh my gosh, how can anyone actually act like that?"

I raised my hand, and La SeƱora, who was trying deperately to restore order to her chaotic classroom.

"Niles," I said, "I know exactly how people can act like that. I am one of those people. You think it's crazy because you don't understand. That is how we worship God."

Niles along with the rest of the class became silent. Then Niles burst into laughs.


"No. My family has some friends there, though, and they may have been in that service. I don't know."

[more laughing here]


So, this is the lows that society has dropped to. We have now reached the low of making fun of peoples religion and beliefs.

Good job, America. Aren't we proud of ourselves?

Sunday, March 04, 2007

As does this....

Don and Charity are Proud to Announce the Birth of their Child, Rebecca Ryan, on October 2, 1990.
Unfortunately, Rebecca Ryan got stuck on the way out and now has a cone head.
Don and Charity are terribly sorry.
What Did Your Birth Announcement Say? at QuizGalaxy.com

Just in case you are curious, my other ones said such things as-

  1. Rebecca Ryan stares eerily at everyone
  2. Rebecca Ryan farts mustard gas
  3. Unfortunately, Rebecca Ryan is the cutest baby ever and no-one can stop fussing.
    Don and Charity are laughing maniacally.
  4. Unfortunately, Rebecca Ryan sees imaginary friends.
    Don and Charity are thrilled with such a strange baby.
  5. Unfortunately, Rebecca Ryan is the stupidest baby ever born.
    Don and Charity are terribly sorry.
  6. Unfortunately, Rebecca Ryan got stuck on the way out and now has a cone head.
    Don and Charity are visiting an exorcist soon.
  7. Unfortunately, Rebecca Ryan ate their identical twin the moment they were born.
    Don and Charity are disappointed that the birth wasn't a nightmare.
  8. Unfortunately, Rebecca Ryan is a genius baby.
    Don and Charity are confused. So very confused..
  9. Unfortunately, Rebecca Ryan stops breathing at random intervals.
    Don and Charity are laughing maniacally.
  10. Unfortunately, Rebecca Ryan always has a wet diaper.
    Don and Charity are in stunned silence.
  11. Unfortunately, Rebecca Ryan vomits candy.
    Don and Charity are disappointed that the birth wasn't a nightmare.
  12. Unfortunately, Rebecca Ryan is the reincarnation of a goat.
    Don and Charity are in stunned silence.
  13. Unfortunately, Rebecca Ryan was born with the ability to start fires with their mind.
    Don and Charity are crying in the corner.
  14. Unfortunately, Rebecca Ryan is an ugly baby.
    Don and Charity are confused. So very confused..
  15. Unfortunately, Rebecca Ryan puked on everyone the moment they were born.
    Don and Charity are thrilled with such a strange baby.


I am dying here.....

In the words of Chandler Bing...

Well, gee. That makes me feel so special and good!
You have a 50% chance of being abducted

You have a fairly good chance of being abducted. You may be somewhat skeptical about the existence of aliens, but you know that they could exist… somewhere.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com


Rebecca --


A person who is a master of making ravioli

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com
So, this is about as meaningful as I can think up at the moment. I am working on a very deep post, but I still have some work to do on it. I need some more people to help me out. If you are interested, leave me a comment and after an extensive background check I will e-mail you and ask you.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

I don't know exactly how to take this.....

You Are Miss Piggy

A total princess and diva, you're totally in charge - even if people don't know it.

You want to be loved, adored, and worshiped. And you won't settle for anything less.

You're going to be a total star, and you won't let any of the "little people" get in your way.

Just remember, piggy, never eat more than you can lift!

Alas, some blog-worthy news...

While I was talking to my adopted grandmother, Sis. Jewel this afternoon, she mentioned this Blog Party thing on 5minutesformom.com. The blog itself is very cool, with it's aim being especially for mothers, but apparently non-mother women are welcome as well. They have a Mr.Linky list where you sign that you are joining the party and then they have a list of prizes you can enter to win, including (thank you, lord) a complete blog redesign. *hallelujah chorus*. I highly recommend checking this out. It is well worth your while.


No new material......

My life is fairly boring at the moment. In two weeks I have OGT's, which I am honestly not worried about like most people. I have still not been able to find a stupid muffin layout, which makes want to scream and yet again change my blog name. (No fears, I most likely won't) Due to this great uninviting period of time, I have been reduced to posting comics and wierd anagrams. What is this world coming to? Well, I guess I could maybe post a rant that I have been saving up for a while if you all are interested and will actually comment on it so that I know it's not a waste of time. It's a fairly common issue lately, a lot of people on EC are talking about it and elsewhere, and I had my own run-in with the people who support it. A certain movie. Getting it yet? So, I will leave it to you guys to decide whether or not I should rant. Poll below.

And again with the lack of blogginess....

Anagrams that make sense

Mother-in-law.......Woman Hitler
The earthquakes.......That queer shake
Debit card.......Bad credit
Slot machines.......Cash lost in 'em
School master.......The classroom
Eleven plus two.......Twelve plus one
Dormitory.......Dirty room
Punishment.......Nine Thumps
Desperation.......A rope ends it
The Morse code.......Here come dots
Snooze alarms.......Alas No more Zs
A decimal point.......I'm a dot in place
Astronomer.......Moon starer
Fir cones.......Conifers
The eyes.......They see
Payment received.......Every cent paid me
Conversation.......Voices rant on
The public art galleries.......Large picture halls, I bet
Election results.......Lies let's recount
Halley's Comet.......Shall yet come
The Hurricanes.......These churn air

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Thursday 13 #13

I'm so glad this thing is back. I'm psyched. So anway....

Thirteen Creations Quite Possibly Thought Up Under The Influence
  1. Squeak Toy Sharks- Ok, come on. You know out there those sharks are humiliated at just the thought of these babies. If they could express their feelings they'd probably say "Aww...come on man! We're vicious guardians of the ocean! We don't squeak! We're not meant for the bathtime pleasure of small children!" This is just horrible! Who thought this thing up?
  2. Pocahontas (Disney)- I love Disney. But this movie is insane. The visual effects simply have to suggest that John Smith and Pocahontas were eating those special mushrooms again. They're talking underwater (which would most likely drown you) and Pocahontas picks up a baby bear right in front of it's mother. Here's a scene that had to be deleted right after that. She got mauled senselessly.
  3. The Disney "D"- The easiest way to explain this one. I'm a member of a group on Facebook called "When I found out the D in Disney was a D, it blew my mind". There are 48,087 members. Nuff said.
  4. Body Piercings- Here's the scenario. A few people are under the influence of God-knows-what and have a nail gun. They are messing around and VOILA! We have body piercing.
  5. Meat in a can- Two words. E. U. What were these guys thinking?
  6. Solar Powered Flashlight- I never realized this was a real thing. I always thought it was sort of a dada art style. But no such luck. They really market these things.
  7. Dog Sweaters- Ok, to me this is a form of animal cruelty. It's just sad.
  8. Diaper Alarm- I swear this is real. It alerts you if your baby is wet. Sad. Think about it for a second. This thing is electrically powered. And you are dealing with a wet infant. Use logic much?
  9. Twinkies- I love these things dearly, but please tell me the logic behind them? Was someone just anticipating nuclear war and wondering how we would maintain our food supply and thought " Well, in a time of nuclear war, all anyone will be thinking about is whether or not they have that perfect creme filled snack!"?
  10. Black Hi-Liter Marker- I think this company just lost their credibility with me. Think about it for a second.
  11. Pet Rocks- Now, don't get me wrong. I used to have one of these things and loved it to death. But really, how exactly is it a pet and who decided that a rock should be a pet? Someone very lonely?
  12. Chocolate Teapot- I heard about this and thought that it was a joke. Come on people! Why? Why? WHY!?!?!?!
  13. I can't even describe this one. You have to check it out for yourself.