Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Right vs. Easy

I would like for my life to be non-complicated. But unfortunately, apparently there was some kind of cosmic contract signed by me before my birth for my life to be unimaginably messed-up.

My dad has warned me that once you put something on your blog, it is fair game for anyone to see, read, and analyze. Against my better judgment, I am going to push publish anyway.

My dad also warned me not to e-mail MX to ask him to leave me alone. Unfortunately, he did this after I had already pushed send. I wrote a polite reasoning why we could not be friends and apologized. He e-mailed me back wishing me the best of joy and happiness in life and I thought that it all was over. I felt kind of bad because of how nice he was, but I knew I couldn't and probably wouldn't change any of it.

I got an e-mail later on from his girlfriend, asking why I had lied to her and said I didn't know her when she had heard from other people that I don't like her, which I never said to anyone. I've met the girl probably once, about 2 years ago, we didn't really talk, and so therefore, I really don't know her. I did not lie.

She asked me why I had flat out lied to her and told me I was ridiculous for not being able to forgive someone. She told me that if I wasn't going to be friends with MX and have nothing to do with him, then I shouldn't talk to her either.

I about cried. Ok, I did cry. I honestly believe that I did the right thing. I've tried to be friends with MX and it always ends up in a fight. I did this for my own well-being and peace of mind and so that neither of us ended up hurt at the end of it. I was hurt that, according to her, he and one of my friends had told her that I said that I didn't like her. It hurt to be betrayed like that.

I never tried to contact her. She contacted me. And then she tells me not to contact her, which was kind of a non-issue. This part made me mad.

The part that really got to me was when she told me I was unforgiving. In my opinion, just because you forgive someone does not mean that you trust them and also doesn't mean that you are their friend.

I really believe that I did the right thing. It's not easy, like I had hoped. It hurts a lot. But I would not ever change it.

2 comments:

Liz said...

you know it is really hard sometimes to let people/relationships go, even when they are complicated. it's a learning experience. you learned. move on :) love ya!

Sarah said...

You are a far better and much more mature person than MX and the girlfriend. You absolutely did the right thing.

My mum always told me that for every mean thing someone was saying about me, they were often saying what they really felt about themselves.

You're a great person - don't let anyone else tell you differently! :)