What Do I Want?

I, having been single for almost 3 years, have made a final, mentally laminated list of characteristics of what I want. And Mr.X does not fit most of them. Shockingly, neither does 9YG. I can think of very few people off the top of my head who have these qualities, so maybe I'm being picky. So what? See the letter I wrote to myself. I am making serious attempts not to care anymore. So without further adieu, I give you,

WANTED

Single guy who exhibits exemplary intelligence. No I do not mean that you have to spend your days quoting E=mc squared, but you must be able to carry on an intelligent conversation. Actually, if you do quote the afore named equation, you may be immediately disqualified and requested to leave the interview or date immediately. After paying of course. I'm not saying you HAVE to pay. I would be more than happy to pay for my own. But at least show an effort? Without value coupons? Seriously, McD's is cheap enough without coupons. They're tacky. You must love children. Not like. Love. Well, I suppose you can like them immensely without being overbearing and creepy. In fact, this is preferred. But you have to be good with them. You have to eventually want to have kids. I want kids someday, and if I'm not able to naturally, adoption is fine by me. But some means of child will be required. You may not have crappy parents. Please note that crappy may mean such things, including, but not limited to, clinginess, the IQ of a gnat, rudeness, etc. If you do happen to have bad parents, don't worry. Just show me that you have broken free of this mold and are not clingy, dingy, or rude. The parent thing is preferred, but moderately optional. Take care of yourself, please. Bad breath, body odor, or a nasty combination of the two are NOT acceptable by ANY means. Unless you ate a philly cheese sandwich with onions on the way home from work where you exerted yourself causing moderate BO. This should be quickly remedied by a shower. Or at least some (not-too-strong) cologne. In other words, smell nice, please. I would like for you to be "church height", but this is not a requirement. It is, however, a plus. (Please note: Church height is defined as being at least the same height as The Muffin when she is wearing high heels. At church.) You must be able to have fun and enjoy yourself, but A.) Know when to shut up and B.) be able to enjoy the silence on occasion. You must bask in my glow and tell me that I am beautiful at least one (1) time per week. Should we be engaged this will be upped to one(1) time per day, with some exceptions. At marriage this will be two (2) times daily. More details to follow, possibly, at a later date.